My friend’s wedding
From getting dirty in mud, bunking classes to playing pranks and watching movies, you were the perfect partners in every crime. You shared everything from clothes and DVDs to the most intimate secrets. And then comes a day when your best friend tells you that he/she is all set to walk down the aisle. Of course, you’re pleased to hear the news and wish him/her the best in life. But, as days pass by, you realise that your friend’s wedding has created a vacuum in your life. You want to call him/her late at night to discuss the day’s tale, the way you always did, but something stops you and renders you feeling insecure and isolated. You suddenly realise that you can no longer do things that you’ve been doing with your friend in all these years.
Coping with your best friend’s wedding can be a challenging task. So, how should you deal with the mixed feelings? Should you distance yourself from your friend? Where should you draw the line? We explore…
Don’t be possessive
If your best friend has just got married, you probably already know that your friendship will undergo some changes. Activities you once did together may now include your friend’s partner, leaving you with a feeling of losing the tag of the ‘most special person’ in his/her life.
“Understand that you have not lost your friend, it’s just that the conditions of your friendship have changed,” explains Archana Nanda, a clinical psychologist. “It’s absolutely normal to feel insecure and possessive after a close friend’s wedding. What one must acknowledge is that your friend’s wedding is not a threat to your friendship. It’s just a change in circumstances and relationships and all will fall in place as time passes by. So, take care not to panic or behave immaturely as this can cause a dent not just in your friendship but in your friend’s marriage too,” adds Archana.
Stop being overtly emotional
Amit Parashar (name changed on request) , 29, who works with an insurance company in Delhi says, “A very close friend of mine got married a few months ago. We both stayed in the same city as bachelors and we used to hang out together. Since he got married, I feel a void in my life. We do meet each other even now, but not as often as we did earlier. Even if we go out, I don’t feel very comfortable as his wife accompanies us most of the time.”
Are you also feeling as if an ‘intruder’ is getting in the way of your friendship? Do you think ‘things will never be the same again’? If yes, take a break! Stop being overtly emotional!
Manmeet Bhalla, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, “Even good friendships can go sour if either of the friends is possessive or lacks understanding after the other’s marriage. So, it is important to be cautious and accept the changes in your relationship for the better. If both friends are accommodating enough and respect each other’s privacy, they can very easily avoid friction and continue being friends.”
Make new friends
Making new friends is probably the best way to get over the anxiety. An important step is to stop being too dependent on your best friend.
Mitali Saxena (name changed on request), 27, a call centre employee confesses, “I was very good friends with my colleague. I shared all my secrets with him and he was my only friend who knew me exceptionally well. He got married a year ago. Initially, everything was fine and I was friendly with his wife too. But gradually, she started feeling insecure and asked him not to talk to me or not to meet me too often. I was very hurt and didn’t want to be responsible for any conflicts between them so I started distancing myself from him.”
Relationship counselor, Radhika Kapoor suggests, “Find pals at work or join a club. Socialise more and engage in activities that interest you. Share your feelings with a friend or a counselor (if needed) as it may lead to exploring new dimensions to strengthen your bond and make you feel better than before.”